Sunday, May 13, 2012

It's One of Those Days Again......




28.  2 years shy of joining the others in their 30’s. Twenty-eight does seem like a long ass time but I don’t feel any close to being 28 even though my birth certificate says so. Right as this very moment, I, to be exact in years, months and days, am 28 years, 1 month and 26 days old. Although in the past years, months, weeks, days I hadn’t actually felt my age really. I did not act like I was in that age. In my mind, my body can always endure like that of how my 13 year old self could. I can run for a couple of kilometers only stopping because my rib cage hurt. But I can’t seem to do that anymore. Maybe its because of lack in training like I used to or maybe its just that my body has taken its toll.

Yes, some of you may argue that age is nothing but a number that being young is in the heart and mind. But these days, that does not seem to give me much grasp on reality really. As I sail through the days, of my 28th year of existence in this borrowed gift of life (bless the Lord for bestowing me such gift), I wonder what am I really here to sail for. Should I just move through the motions or go against it? 
It seemed like for the past 5 years or so, I have lost touch of who I wanted to be back then. What I pictured my self at this age. I never get passed to thinking of the future where all leads to settling down and raising my own family and being someone in better business suit that I am in today. I guess seeing that I do not act like my age and mostly I just do not keep track of it because I still firmly believe I cannot waste my youth on being just young.

Keeping track of time, that is not really my cup of tea. I do not like keeping track of time because that would mean that I am losing so many minutes in life not cementing myself of what I hoped to be.  To be honest, I never really cared to much of the days, the weeks, the months, the years.  You may question my sanity on this but that is the truth. I love keeping track of birthdays, but never the age of people, to me they will always be like the people they were during the very first time I met them. That time that has passed really does not mean a thing.

I know I would get slapped by reality when one day I wake up and I cant properly get up because my back is so sore the body has given up for all what I have put it through when I was young and abled. That when I look at the mirror to brush my teeth, or wash my face, I could map out the years that had gone by on my face through those memorable lines.

We go allowing the universe to set the phase for us, well for most of us. I am sure I give the universe the freedom to set mine. That by cosmic interventions everything will be in its place like what it’s supposed to be. It always like that for me, everything settles in to its actual place in my life. Then maybe because I hadn’t really fully grasped of how many days I have spent in this lifetime.  That if you fully count, it could be one too many compared to others.

Where am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to do really? What can change me? Have I changed? Has the change actually mattered? Am I capable enough in life that the parallel universe conspired to allow me to think like this? To keep going at the rate I am going? Where would this all lead to? Would I be accepting if I am in that actual time?

I am one too little about regret. I have that in my body once or twice but I usually shrug it off because like I said earlier, I was not one to count too many that I really go figure out what the universe has set for me. 



 Say Anything  - Tristan Prettyman


Like what TP said or sang:

“we won't break if we let go
you and i already know              
we were bound to be set free        
even truely, here we are now  
you can say anything”

“you should say anything you could say anything,
you should listen to you your heart
it's gonna tell you what you need
take care of youself
don't you worry about me”

I guess, it is time yet again for life re-evaluation and letting go because at the end of it all, I am bound to be set free and the universe will once again set the phase for me.




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