Oh to Judge and be Judged
Music: The National / Tristan Prettyman
I am 28 and I do not refute that I am. Maybe now but who knows when I reach 35 I just might. In all of my years studying and working I have had my run-ins with people who have judged me like they have earned a PhD to do so. Likewise, I have done my share of judging too.
I have been judged and labeled. Though some may argue that those are two totally different things, yes I agree but there would be a thin line between the two.
I have been called in a negative way: stingy, arrogant, condescending, proud/boastful, pretentious, tomboy (because of my choices of sports, hang outs, outdoor activities and clothing), feisty (yes, negatively), aloof, introvert, silent, having my own world, fat like ogre (yes been labeled as Shrek/Fiona because of my weight/clothing/look).
Some people think I do not know, but I am aware of the names they have labeled me behind my back and I have been judged as such. Some do not affect me; some do really hurt like hell. Being labeled as tomboy because of my choice of sports, I like hiking, caving, running, badminton, I hang out with the boys because most girls I know would not want to be in that sport. I wear my clothes loose because of my weight; I love sporty stuff because they are comfortable. Thus people thinking I am what I wear. I don’t really care that much because I know myself. Being called Shrek/Fiona because of how I weigh, yes that hurt a lot because I used to weigh lesser way back when I was doing sports competitively and way before I started with my anti-allergies filled with roids to help me breathe whenever it attacks.
Those sorts of things people do not know the real story behind anything a person’s decision of how to act, how to look and what their preferences may be. That is why they judge and label you as such. I can wear high heels yes, but I do not wear them often because of my broken ankle from the years of playing badminton competitively (10 years of competitive sports) and the effect of wearing heels on my knee because of that injury.
I chose to speak less thus being labeled introvert, silent, aloof or having my own world because some people use what I say and twist it. I have had my piece of such event. I only let go when the people I am with truly knows who I am and I trust them of what would come out from my mouth.
To tell you honestly, I love men/boys/guys they age perfectly like wine and they are the greatest creation God has ever gifted us women. But on the other side I am not fond of dresses or heels or make up but that doesn’t mean I don’t or can’t wear them. Big difference right there. I love being outdoor because that means I can appreciate nature. I love sports because that’s the only way I can distress or let my aggression out. Those are my preferences. Learn to know me deeper.
Like what I have experienced and like what I have said, I have done my share of judging and of labeling. That fact I am not proud of. I used to think that since people do the same to me, they can reap what they sow. That they deserve how I would act around them because of what they did to me. Sometimes I am worse than they are, sometimes I shrug it off but most of the time I have that feeling that I need to show them what they deserve. Which is wrong and after 28 years I realize that now.
I am learning that no matter what is thrown at me, I should just dismiss it because the only approval I would need is from those who matter to me and those that I matter to.
It’s a long way to go though, I am not perfect and I will still have my moments of outbursts but I will get there.
One thing I can say is that, for those who have judged me and have thought otherwise. Thank you. You have and will make me a better person.
Get to know the people you usually judge, take time to know them. Because you do not really know the reasons why they are like that. Maybe they have had too much bull crap thrown at them that they stop trusting people all together.
Judgmental people like you and me; we are considered bullies in this world. To lessen the people in that community, let’s start appreciating and stop passing on judgment. Even those judges on a trial listen first to both sides before passing on their verdict. Why not apply the same concept.
It is a wonderful world. Love it. Lessen the negatives. Enjoy the positives.